Thursday, May 05, 2005

Why Me?

Our daughter recently asked me if I ever asked God; "Why me?" Z isn't the first member of our family to have problems. Our daughter, S, had SEVERE problems with clinical depression in high school. It's rather ironic that 2 out of 3 of the brain chemicals (dopamine & serotonin) that are overproducing in Z's brain, were underproducing in S's brain. Our family has often joked that it's too bad that we couldn't meld the brains of our children to average out their brain chemicals and have 2 "normal" kids.

I laughed when S asked me that question. I had that conversation with God just 2 weeks before she asked me this. Having worked the 6 a.m.-2 p.m. shift for 23 yrs, my body refuses to let me sleep later than 6 a.m. I long ago gave up the notion of trying to sleep in and decided to enjoy my early morning alone time on my days off. This particular morning I was sitting by the light of a candle at my kitchen table, enjoying my first cup of coffee, with my dog's head in my lap. I had just been through a week of dealing with TS and an inept school system when I just LOST IT and starting sobbing in my coffee. I wanted to know why MY beautiful children had been cursed wtih brain disorders beyond their control? Why had I been forced to battle with a school system that would rather write off my kids than help them? WHY ME??!! At that moment a calm voice spoke in my head: "Because you can handle it".

At that moment, I stopped crying and searched my soul for an answer to this simple statement. Where would my kids be if they had a mom whose career came before family? Where would they be if they had a timid mom who believed that authority figures were always right? Where would they be if they had a party girl mom who cared more about her pleasure than her kids? Where would they be if their mom wasn't an ornery, foul mouthed, she-bear that would protect her family at all costs? You know what God? I guess you gave my kids the right MOM! I CAN handle it!!


At 5/06/2005 1:07 AM, Blogger SME said...

Ornery foul-mouthed she-bear? Oh no, you're such a LOVELY person with a LOVELY temper. Heehee.

At 5/06/2005 7:30 AM, Blogger Wandering Coyote said...

Your kids are lucky. I always asked "why me?" in reference to why I had parents so incapable of dealing with my childhood/teen depressions appropriately, and many other parenting challenges they just didn't get. It didn't help that my mom also had problems with depression and that my dad was just an emotionally unavailable twit. I am learning to forgive, and it's been a long road. But perhaps that's the lesson I was meant to learn.

At 5/06/2005 6:47 PM, Blogger tshsmom said...

SME, Listen to the Coyote and appreciate this she-bear! I've noticed YOU showing signs of becoming a chip-off-the-old-block!

At 5/13/2005 5:21 PM, Blogger millennium hippies said...

great post. what a wonderful epiphany! i'm here from michele's...i'm a homeschooler too (unschooler actually, but close enough);)

At 5/16/2005 5:22 AM, Blogger Caz Jones said...

Why me indeed? It's funny how that question means so much to people like us, when really there's so much else worse out there! But the main reasons I wanted to comment were a) because you said such nice things about my blog and b) actually in TS there is a severe SHORTAGE of serotonin, just like in depression. that's why the two conditions are so closely related; half of all TSers have depression...1/2!!!

At 10/07/2006 6:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cool guestbook, interesting information... Keep it UP
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