Sunday, August 20, 2006

Scrunch's Questions

My loving, deep-thinking husband L, also known as Scrunch, over at, has come up with a soul-searching question: What do we expect from life? He has succinctly put this question into four categories:

4 Things You NEED:
I'm grateful, every day, for these basics in my life!
The last 3 things on my list are no-brainers. Everybody needs these things to physically survive. Love is what makes us decent human beings. I'm not talking about love of things; I'm talking about love for each other. We also need to be given unconditional love from birth. I've seen too many human shells, who were deprived of love in childhood. My husband was one of them. Some of these children become too hardened to ever freely give and receive love. My husband was lucky. He protected the loving being within, and bloomed when given unconditional love.

4 Things You WANT:
Affordable health care for everyone.
A clean house
A secure future
More love in the world!

We've ALWAYS had to divide our life into NEEDS versus WANTS. Early on in our marriage, we had to learn to meet our needs first. We had a child to raise, and her needs HAD to come first! We always WANTED a second child, but we couldn't risk our first child's welfare. This explains the 14 yr difference in our kids' ages. But do you know what? We never felt deprived.

The top thing on my want list has always(since Z was born), been a garage. I know that a lot of you are pretty sick of hearing about it, but we're THRILLED with the whole construction process. L and I have worked our butts off, all our lives, to be able to afford the luxury of a garage. We'll NEVER take this luxury for granted.

4 Things You DESERVE:
Respect : I've worked hard all my life, making something from nothing. We've made it, on our own! I've raised two respectful, deep-thinking human beings. I'm the BEST waittress in our county. Yes, I deserve respect!

Fun: We've been working our butts off, the last two summers, improving our home. Our jobs are demanding and our spare time is consumed by homeschooling. We DESERVE some FUN!

My smart aleck kids: Remember your mother saying: "I hope you have kids JUST LIKE YOU, someday!" ? This curse works, much to my parent's amusement.

LOVE! : EVERY human deserves love! I'm not sure if love is inborn or learned. I do know that hate is learned. Let's spread our love around, and make this world a better place!

Vancouver Voyeur said: " I think some people are attracted to fancy, pretty, shiny things that money can buy. If I had enough money to not worry about food and shelter, I don't think I'd want that much. A nice home by a mountain lake is as big as my fantasies have extended. :-) "

WELL SAID, my friend!! I'm with you 100% !

Do yourself a favor. Go through your home, room by room, and sort your possessions into NEEDS and WANTS. For example; what do you really NEED in your kitchen: stove, refrigerator, a few pots and pans, a few cooking untensils, a good knife, can opener, enough place settings to feed your family. ALL the rest is just fluff; be grateful for it!


At 8/20/2006 8:38 AM, Blogger Nancy Drew said...

What fabulous advice. Am taking this one to heart, Tshsmom, as soon as they get the A/C working again. This is something I need, and have even as a skinny kid. Why I don't know, just always had a very high temp.

It's 78 degrees in here and 80+ out there. Am roasting. Can barely tolerate being in pjs, and that's because the technicians are supposed to show up before noon.

Then am going through the rotten fridge with your post in ya!!!

At 8/20/2006 9:01 AM, Blogger tshsmom said...

ND, I hear ya on the AC! When we installed ours 11 yrs ago, we'd had 100F temps for a MONTH. L and I both work in hot environments. We NEEDED someplace to break the sweat. Z was 4 at the time and had lost all his energy, because of the heat. AC saved our sanity!
Love ya back!

Dividing between needs and wants could salvage your finances.

At 8/20/2006 2:46 PM, Blogger Vancouver Voyeur said...

On today's CBS Sunday Morning Show (my version of church) they interviewed a guy who built tiny houses, we're talking 100 sq. ft. ( He talked about what we really "needed" in life and in a house and all about waste and wasted space. I know I'm happiest when life is simplest. I go nuts when there's too much junk mail, too many phone calls, too many rooms to clean, too much money to earn to pay for everything. I'd be perfectly happy living in an Airstream somewhere in the mountains with a lot of books. An Internet connection would be a sanity saver, but not required. I probably wouldn't get too far from a public library. Thanks for the primer on "needs" and "wants."

At 8/21/2006 12:28 AM, Blogger MonicaR said...

Well the first thing I thought about when you mentioned going through the kitchen was my tupperware. I adore tupperware but the truth is that most of it just sits in my 'tupperware cabinet' that is a complete nightmare to deal with.

You have got me thinking...

At 8/21/2006 9:14 AM, Blogger Miranda said...

*Laugh* most of the things in my house would have to go. I don't really need old Commodore parts, I suppose...

At 8/21/2006 9:16 AM, Blogger Notta Wallflower said...

H and I have been answering a lot of this type of question - we've been doing premarital counseling. I resisted at first, but now I'm so glad we've done it. It forces you to think about what's really important - much like your hubby's questions. :-)

At 8/21/2006 8:18 PM, Blogger Squirl said...

Your last sentence says it all.


At 8/21/2006 8:27 PM, Blogger Nancy Drew said...

tshsmom, this one will keep me going for many moons. Can't thank you enough for this post....(((hugs))) ND

At 8/22/2006 1:54 PM, Blogger tshsmom said...

VV, I don't think I'd go as far as 100 sq ft; that's smaller than our bedroom! I guess that's why I like camping. Our camper is equipped with just the necessities. ;)

Monica, I have a friend who says "a clean Tupperware cupboard is the sign of a sick mind".

Miranda, sshhh. L finally parted with the last of his Commodore stuff last year. It was quite an emotional experience for him.

Notta, I agree with the counseling. You need to ask yourselves these questions before you decide to spend the rest of your life with someone.

Squirl, we all take so many things for granted. It's all the extras that make our life easier. Everytime I start feeling deprived, I just look around at all we have. Life IS good!

ND, you're welcome, pal!

At 8/22/2006 9:12 PM, Blogger Wandering Coyote said...

Is it me, or did you miss a category?

I've done this needs/wants thing a few times since I left my husband. When you have to pay for it to be moved somewhere, you figure out what you need vs. what you want pretty quickly. And it's been so hard for me because I had so much stuff I was attached to. I've whittled my belongings down to clothing I love, linens I love, cookbooks I really couldn't be without, a couple boxes of books I really couldn't part with (I had tons of books before), and kitchen equipment that I use on a regular basis. Sometimes I get sad about what I've left behind, and sometime I feel freed.

At 8/23/2006 8:21 AM, Blogger Sagepaper said...

Two things: A/C IS a need. I have severe Asthma and need to breathe cool air. That requires A/C in Georgia. PLUS, our family's geriatrician says that life expectancy, globaly, regionally, and within homes is *directly* correlated with life expectancy! They aren't sure why. My first guess would be that you don't die prematurely when you are vulnerable to heat waves.

Second, I learned in college that each person needs one bowl, one cup, one glass, one lunch plate, one fork, two spoons, and one good steak knife that will also spread butter. Anything beyond that, piled in the sink, stayed there. When all the dishes were dirty, these were the only things we hand cleaned. Everything else just got nasty at the bottom of the sink. You can get by with one large mixing bowl, one large sauce pan, one skillet, and one cake pan. My kitchen is almost this spartan. We have Corel Ware service for four, in case we have company. No tears over a broken dish.

Our marriage councelor does not know that it is possible to reconcile our two statements about dirty dishes. My husband complains that I won't do dishes unless EVERYTHING in the cupboards is dirty. I say I do the dishes as soon as the left half of our sink is full.

At 8/23/2006 11:13 AM, Blogger pissed off patricia said...

After having our home hit by three hurricanes in two years, Mother Nature showed me what I need and what I want. She managed to destroy some of my wants and a few of my needs. I will never take any of my things for granted again. Every time I get up in the morning and hit the light switch, I smile when the light comes on. It may seem silly but when you don't have power for a while, it becomes a treasure when you do. Lots of little things like that, that I never appreciated before are much appreciated now.

At 8/23/2006 5:33 PM, Blogger tshsmom said...

WC, Scrunch thought this up on his own. I'd love to see other categories in this vein. Enlighten me!
You've had to do a LOT of life sorting lately. Now you need to start slowly building up your stash again. Things you can be truly proud of and grateful for.

Sage, I never thought of that before, but you're right! I find myself digging the SAME pots and utensils out of the dishwasher, over and over again. Those are my essential items.
Buying a dishwasher saved our marriage 24 yrs ago! I worked days and L worked nights. I'd spend 2 hrs every day, when I got home, doing all the dishes he NEVER washed.

Welcome PoP. I LOVE your name!
My husband and I have discussed this many times. Long after we have experienced a disaster, what we remember the most is how much closer we became after surviving our disaster. It's amazing how precious the little things become and how silly our old priorities were when we're forced to inventory our lives.

At 8/24/2006 11:12 PM, Blogger Gardenia said...

We need to have a garage warming party for you guys. People could bring gifts, like hooks to hang things on, shelves for car thingies & tools - - in Fla. we live on a street where the front of the house is right by the garage - people use the front yards more than the back yards - and its fun to go down the street - people skating - barbecuing, graviting around visiting...

When we were hit by Ivan, as I packed my belongings like photos, and things that I'd packed around - momentos from children, etc., I realized that if our home was gone (and some of our friends did loose everything) that all of what I was holding onto so tightly was held even tighter in my heart as memories......twas bitter sweet...

At 8/25/2006 8:08 PM, Blogger tshsmom said...

Diana, we need YOU for a neighbor!!
I've had suggestions that we throw a garage party, but these people want US to supply all the food, drinks, and entertainment.:( I've told them that any entertainment would involve paintbrushes and ladders. That effectively kills the suggestions. ;)

At 8/27/2006 11:19 AM, Blogger Sadie Lou said...

Cool post. Instead of going through your house and making a mental list of what is lacking, I should take note of what I have. Thanks for the reminder...

At 8/29/2006 9:02 AM, Blogger lorguru said...

Great stuff. And, btw, I can see why you are attracted to a man who thinks like that.

At 8/29/2006 5:09 PM, Blogger tshsmom said...

Lauren, oddly enough, I fell in love with his mind BEFORE I lusted after his body. ;)

At 8/30/2006 9:41 PM, Blogger greatwhitebear said...

sigh, my needs are few, my wants many, teh demands on my income.... insurmountable!

At 8/31/2006 4:33 PM, Blogger tshsmom said...

GWB, my mother always said that nobody's happy if they have everything they want. According to this logic, I must be ecstatically happy. ;)

At 8/31/2006 11:24 PM, Blogger Scrubs & Shines said...

In our wee 555 sq ft. cabin in the sky we can barely afford to buy anything else on top of what is necessity and in place now, S.M.E and I threw out and donated lots of stuff before we moved here, but still I can find a pile of things that just take up room and dust. The older I grow the less I want, material stuff, the more I'm happy with less... Great gettogethers with family we love tops our needs these days, That falls under Love I'm sure, We are blessed with the basics of living, roof over our heads, warm clothing on our backs and food and water for survival. The walks in the river valley forests, the beautiful sunrise and sunsets, a warm smile from a passing stranger, the winters first snow and the first arrival of birds in spring, these are just added bonuses day to day in life. Each new day of life is a bonus, I began to appreciate that in my 40s

At 9/01/2006 5:57 PM, Blogger tshsmom said...

You're soooo right Doug!! That must be why what we save up for is trips to see our loved ones.
Aaron said that he wants to save up to go to Taiwan. Is he planning on going with you guys?

At 9/05/2006 7:17 PM, Blogger Scrubs & Shines said...

Aaron is planning this himself for the future, I'm giving him and daughter D 1G once they reach 21, and so long as they don't smoke or do drugs... SME and Scrubs are planning to go winter of 2008, my mom and Dad may come with us perhaps, Daughter D, is mad cause I didn't plan to take her:( keep u posted


Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home