Thursday, September 15, 2005

Not a Joyous Birth!

In a perfect world, every newborn would be welcomed into this world by a loving family, and be raised by TWO parents, who are ready to handle the responsibility.

Our goddaughter, SB, delivered a healthy(we hope), 5 lb, baby boy last weekend. We think he might have come early, hence the low birth weight. We're hoping she quit smoking during her pregnancy, which would also explain the low birth weight.

SB is 21; old enough to be a mother under normal circumstances. She's also bi-polar, dyslexic, and extremely immature for her age. This is SB's 5th pregnancy in 4 years with 4 different guys! The other 4 ended in miscarriage. We all KNOW that SB is trying to tie a guy to her with a baby. After the 2nd miscarriage, I discussed this with her and begged her to use contraception. Better yet, I implored her to get her head on straight before she started another relationship. She tearfully agreed with me at the time. . .

SB had a wretched childhood in a dysfunctional family. Her mother is also bipolar. Her father is a hard working man that spent all his time working to pay off the astronomical debts his wife incurred. Two years ago his wife left him to "find" herself. "Finding" herself translates into full-time partying and whoring around. SB's father is now engaged to his grandson's paternal grandmother, a wonderful woman.

The only saving grace to this situation is SB's boyfriend(bf). He's a highly intelligent young man of 23, with a good paying job. The downside is that SB and bf have alienated themselves from his mother and her father. We received the news of the baby's birth from his paternal grandma, who heard it from her other son, who is still in contact with his brother.

All concerned would LOVE to welcome this precious baby boy. Unfortunately, none of us knows where they are living. We don't know his name, exact birth weight, length, or birthdate. We just know that he's here! We're all worried about SB's ability to care for a newborn. We're also scared to death that post partum depression will afflict SB's bi-polar brain!! Is her bf prepared to handle all of this on his own? Will we ever know? All we can do is pray that God gives them the wisdom to raise this child the way he deserves.


At 9/15/2005 5:45 PM, Blogger FunkyB said...

I'll join you in those prayers.

At 9/15/2005 9:27 PM, Blogger tshsmom said...

Thanks Robin!

At 9/15/2005 9:51 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said...

Me too. Oh tshsmom the worrying you must have been and probably still are doing YIKES.

I dated a bipolar (found out later he had multiple psychoses which made things EVER so much fun). Those folks do suffer, but so many of them dislike lithium and so go off the meds, which can lead to all kinds of problem escape behaviour. I'm sure you know all this but I'm hoping that she takes her meds consistently.

I have minor low grade depression (dysthymia) thank Heavens it isn't bipolar-ism. It tends to run in families--hope the baby didn't inherit it too. Hey guess what I also have dylexia. The teaching nuns at the school I attended worked very hard with me to get me over the issues that that can cause. By now I"m betting there's lots of good help for adults.

Poor SB. Poor you too. Sending tons of love and prayers...Bridg

At 9/15/2005 10:01 PM, Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Yikes. Poor kid. I hope he comes out okay.

That's one thing I hate about Courtney Love. She bragged about smoking during pregnancy and told everyone who advised her to stop to F.O.

I hope the kid is more like BF than SB, unless she gets her act together.

At 9/16/2005 12:53 PM, Blogger Laura said...

Sounds a lot like my cousin. He was totally immature, knocked up a few chicks who miscarried. Couldn't hold a job, his dreams were WAY to big for his reality, constantly screwed up. Then he met and knocked up the right girl. THey've been together ever since and he's pretty much got his act together now. I'm not a fan of using children to secure a relationship, but sometimes it does work out. I hope it does for them too.

At 9/16/2005 3:21 PM, Blogger SME said...

She might be OK as long as she doesn't behave like her mother. Talk about psychosis.

At 9/16/2005 4:48 PM, Blogger tshsmom said...

Bridg, I'm pretty sure they took her off her meds for the pregnancy. That's what worries us about post-partum!
I tutored SB in reading for a couple of years. I immediately recognized the dyslexia(her Dad is dyslexic too). Our school system ignored this, of course. I begged her mother to have her privately tested, but she was too lazy and self-absorbed to bother!

ZS, we're just hoping she stays with this bf!

Laura, that's the kind of story I love to hear!! Let's hope SB's life turns around like your cousin's.

SME, you KNOW that JB getting her hooks into that baby would be the worst case scenario! That bitch has already screwed up her 2 kids' lives!

At 9/16/2005 6:54 PM, Blogger greatwhitebear said...

While I can't say i'll pray for you (that would be hypocritical for an athiest) I can tell you that you are in my thougths. Hopefully your Goddaughter will get her act together, and hopefully you will be able to find a way to be a part of this childs life!

At 9/16/2005 8:46 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said...

tshsmom, that's what the nuns did with me (tutored me in reading). I read better than most folks do now.

Hoping very very hard for you all...and praying of course...Bridg

At 9/17/2005 1:14 AM, Blogger Sagepaper said...

You will be in my prayers. When I pray for people, I have a slightly different approach than the norm. I believe God is both omniscient and omnibenevolent. I do not pray for any sort of worldly outcome. God knows better than me what is best. I do pray that something good will come of the situation, and that the people involved will each grow spiritually as a result.

God works in mysterious ways. Just hold to the faith that he is omnibenevolent. It is hard for us spiritual children to understand all the time.

No small child understands that a vaccination is good for them. It hurts, and the painful situation commands their entire consciousness.

One final bit of theology: I firmly believe that God never gives us more than we can handle. In an odd way, I believe a difficult life is a compliment. God would not burden you heavily without knowing you, and trusting you. You have chronicalled many challenges here. It seems to me that God thinks highly of you.

At 9/17/2005 5:46 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said...

Sagepaper, you hit it right on the nose.


At 9/17/2005 6:03 PM, Blogger Squirl said...

Good luck to all involved.

At 9/17/2005 6:49 PM, Blogger Wandering Coyote said...

tshsmom: I wish SB and your family well. It's a tough situation.

I am quite familiar with BiPolar disorder and what happens when one is off one's meds. Not a pretty thing at all. She probably needed the cigarettes (if she didn't quit) just to cope during the pregnancy, which couldn't have been easy for her. I hope she didn't drink, too.

I hope the BF can cope, and if not, I hope he's mature and insightful enough to ask for the proper help.

At 9/17/2005 8:01 PM, Blogger Vest said...

Solomon in all of his glory would be at odds trying to resolve this problem.
I do hope that those qualified to deal with the enormity of this situation meet with success.

At 9/18/2005 1:19 AM, Blogger European said...

My heart just breaks when I hear stories like these - SBs and some of the comments.
I'm with sagepaper regarding prayers...

At 9/18/2005 7:07 AM, Blogger tshsmom said...

Sage, beautiful thoughts and I totally agree! I always resort to the prayer that always works; "Thy will be done".
I've said before that God gave me children with neurological disorders because I CAN handle it!

GWB, you're one of the most spiritual people I know, so I don't think atheist quite applies ;) Thanks for the kind thoughts!

WC, we have sooo many neurological disorders in our family that I swear I should hang out my shingle!
SB has never been on meds long enough for them to do any good. Bf's Mom got her into counseling and they were trying to find meds that worked for her. You know how that goes!

Squirl, Euro, and Vest, thanks so much for the moral support. It helps.

SB KNOWS how much we love her and that we'd do ANYTHING for her. It was us she called when she was in the psych ward after attempting suicide, following her first miscarriage. I know in my heart that one of these days the phone will ring...
My heart aches for bf's Mom and SB's Dad! This is their first grandchild and they long to hold and love this precious little guy.
As for me; I view old videos and snapshots of SB and cry. One of my "babies" is a mother and doesn't have a clue what she's gotten herself into!

At 9/18/2005 3:12 PM, Blogger Sadie Lou said...

My husband and I had our firstborn when I was 20. Although I was young, having a child grows you up in a big hurry! Having the responsibility of a child makes you look at things with a new persepective and an appreciation for what's REALLY important.
I will pray for this new life that your goddaughter brought into this world and that her BF will be there for her and the baby and that hopefully, you will be able to see the baby and give him love too.
God Bless you & yours!

At 9/18/2005 3:25 PM, Blogger alix said...

wow, i don't know what to say, but you've got my best wishes, especially for that little baby.

At 9/18/2005 11:03 PM, Blogger MonicaR said...

My prayers have gone up to the big guy. I hope that she gets back on her meds and that they are all protected by God.

(My oldest was 5lb9oz - 1 month early)

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