Saturday, July 18, 2009

Still Here

2009 has taken a huge toll on my psyche. Daily disasters, family health issues, deaths, bad weather, and the economy have stomped the joyful part of my soul into the mud. I'm desperately trying to rebuild my optimistic outlook on life. This has been a hard journey when I constantly take one step forward and two steps back.

I always used to "count my blessings" when I felt down. This year my banes have started outnumbering my blessings. Trying to find blessings to count only deepened my despair, so I quit.

Nature has been my salvation. Fledgling birds at our feeder, hordes of dragonflies, hummingbirds with an attitude, 3 deer, and the beauty of bald eagles soaring against a bright blue sky have all been gently prying me out of my despair. I have been taking time every day to "stop and smell the roses". Now, I am trying to create NEW, but scaled down, blessings in my family's life.

I need to return to writing here on a regular basis. Writing my thoughts down helps to clear my mind. I need to release the thoughts that are swirling in my brain and muddling my thought processes. Organization has always been my forte, but lately I've just been struggling to make it through each day's essential chores. I really NEED to write the final chapter in my Duluth trip saga! I need to face what happened so I can start re-shaping my life into some semblance of fulfillment.

I have lost a lot of the love I thought I had in my life, but I am now building on the love I hope will be there for the future. If I've learned nothing else this year, I've learned that love does work in mysterious ways.


At 7/18/2009 11:46 AM, Blogger Courtney said...

"I have lost a lot of the love I thought I had in my life."

Maybe, but take a wild guess where you've gained some. ;)

At 7/18/2009 12:24 PM, Blogger Wandering Coyote said...

I love you Tshsmom!!

Nice to see a post from you. I know your life is insane but I'm looking forward to reading your 3rd Duluth installment...I've been anxiously checking my Google reader daily to see if it's there.

NO PRESSURE, though! Just know that I'm out there rooting for you and supporting you, OK?

At 7/18/2009 12:37 PM, Blogger mister anchovy said...

I hope the second half of the year shifts for the better for you!

At 7/18/2009 10:27 PM, Blogger Vancouver Voyeur said...

I also got to a point in my life when the troubles soooo outweighed the blessings that I didn't think I could go on. Talking with my friend Larena saved my life on more than one occasion. She really should have been a counselor. She's a wise old soul. Also talking to people who had it worse than me, really put things in perspective. Sometimes, life just sucks, and the best you can do is just breathe and keep moving forward until the bad stuff passes. I know this doesn't make it easier, so if you need to talk, just call. I might be out of signal range on Sunday and Monday because we'll be near Camp David and I don't know if they have jamming stuff going on, but it's almost impossible for me to get a signal up there. I'll be back in range by Tuesday. Hang in there. You have a lot of love out here in blog land and we're all pulling for you.

At 7/19/2009 7:42 AM, Blogger tshsmom said...

I love you too Courtney and WC!! Your comments brought tears to my eyes, but in a good way...THANK YOU!!

So Courtney..when are you and Dan gonna come for a visit? I'll even buy you a bottle of scotch. ;)

WC, if you ever re-schedule your train trip, we MUST figure a way to meet on your way!

Mr A, things are looking up now. Keep your fingers crossed, OK?

VV, you, too, are a wise soul!
"the best you can do is just breathe and keep moving forward until the bad stuff passes." That's EXACTLY what I've been doing! Breathing isn't as easy as it sounds, is it? There are times that I find myself holding my breath and waiting for the other shoe to fall. I now know that I have to stop that. Deep breaths and one step at a time will see me out of my fog. Your call was a ray of sunshine to me! I'll be calling you one of these evenings for an update.

At 7/19/2009 11:41 AM, Blogger Jeannie said...

I really don't understand why some people go through an extended period of cosmic ass-kicking. It's not fair. And the only thing that ever comes out of it is "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" What they leave out is cynical and bitter. Not that it automatically follows but the temptation is there. All you can do is circle the wagons and try not to lose hope.

At 7/19/2009 7:34 PM, Blogger tweetey30 said...

YOu know you are loved here.. LOL.. Big hugs from us and esp the girls. They love hugs and kisses. Lots have been going on here too in our lives. I have been trying not to talk about alot of it because its mostly financial.. I try to keep that stuff to us. Not the entire world.. Take care and hugs.

At 7/20/2009 12:21 AM, Blogger Grizzly Mama said...

(((Hugs))) Tshsmom. You are surrounded by love - and I do believe that is the most important thing, sometimes the only important thing - love.

Hang in there.

At 7/20/2009 3:08 AM, Blogger Miranda said...

Tshsmom - I just wanted to let you know that your comments always meant a lot to me and I'll be wishing you a better rest of the year. Hope things get better!

At 7/20/2009 7:10 AM, Blogger Squirl said...

I'm glad you're finding comfort in nature. Nature doesn't judge, it just is. No explanations or excuses, it's just there. That alone helps lift the soul.

You are loved here, too. Remember that all we ever have is this moment. And in this moment all of you friends (including blog friends) are sending tender, supporting love.

Hang in there. ((HUGS))

At 7/20/2009 1:03 PM, Blogger Hammer said...

All the best to you and yours during these rough times.

At 7/20/2009 4:35 PM, Blogger Cherie said...

Yep, you are right, we are on the same path again. Do you suppose you and I saw the same bald eagle - the one who cheered each of us? Probably not, but we're under the same sun, the same moon, the same stars, and when I look at them I think of you, and it encourages me because you, like me, are surviving what Jeannie so aptly calls the 'cosmic ass-kicking.' Yours was worse than mine - and more recent.

But look at us! Blogging again, finding solace in small things that are big to us. You are finding your way back to normal - whatever that is, right.

I love you, Tshs. You're not alone. And yes, new love is on its way!

At 7/22/2009 4:54 PM, Blogger Ryan said...

When one finds that their soul has been stomped into the mud, it's important to pull that soul from the mud, wash it off, and marvel at much better it looks.

And then have a beer after all that hard work.

It works for me... sometimes.

At 7/25/2009 1:38 PM, Blogger Courtney said...

Oy! A trip to MN, eh? Like I told my friend Rachael last night, who's begging me to come home for a visit, I'll see what I can do. I'll have to fix our overheating problem, and get a freon boost before we can go anywhere. I'm just afraid you'll put me to work. ;)

By the way, it doesn't mean anything to me, but my word verification is 'psalm'. Got a favourite one?

At 7/31/2009 8:50 PM, Blogger Vancouver Voyeur said...

Where you at?


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