Thursday, February 15, 2007

Do Yourself a Favor....

AND IGNORE THIS POST! I've been depressed since November. I've delved within myself and had a few revelations. I need to purge some issiues. A lot of my purge is pathetic drivel. Consider yourself warned!

I need to free myself from the heaviness of my soul. I've seen every single member of my family, and several of L's family members, through severe depressions. In MY time of need, the only one who has been there for me, is SME. Thank you sweetie, I LOVE YOU!

My guys ask me "What's wrong?". I tell them I'm depressed. They say "Oh.", and walk away. I don't expect Z to deal with my issues. He's a kid, and has issues of his own. I do think that he needs to know that Mom gets depressed too; he needs to know that he's not alone in his occassional feelings of hopelessness.

I DO expect my husband to take up some of the slack around here. Over the last 30 years, I've helped him through numerous depressions resulting from job losses and the gradual loss of our friends and social life. I've spent many months taking up his slack and doing the things that he was incapable of doing at the time. Some of my depression (OK, maybe a LOT) is a direct result of menopause. I warned him of this several years ago, when my symptoms started. I printed out lists of symptoms, so he knew what to expect. I begged him to be my "soft place to fall" during this rough time of my life. My pleas fell on deaf ears. L tends to pull into himself during hard times in our marriage. I'm certain that this is a defense mechanism he used to survive his unloved childhood. I understand, but it doesn't help me ONE DAMNED BIT! I need an outlet for my feelings, and right now my blog is all that I have. Sorry; remember, you've been warned!

This depression started in November. Looking back, I think it started as a result of my parent's sale of their cabin and my upcoming 51st birthday. I suddenly realized that all the things that I'd hoped for our life were NEVER going to happen. Let's start at the beginning....

L, SME and I moved back to my hometown in 1979. L had just graduated, with honors, from the MN School of Business, with a degree in Business Management, and a minor in Accounting. We discussed our options, and agreed that we didn't want to live in the Twin Cities. We're not city people, and we didn't want to live that close to his family and all their dysfunctions. L had received several promising offers for jobs in rural southern MN. Before L accepted one of these positions, he answered an ad for a management position in my hometown. L really wanted to move back here, so SME would be able to grow up with grandparents in her life. Family is everything to L, and he wanted his children to have all the advantages he'd missed in his childhood.

We had our ups and downs, but we managed to put down roots here. We worked hard, built up our credit rating, and slowly acquired a home of our own. About this time my co-worker bought our place of employment from our former boss. We always had a verbal agreement that L and I would buy the business from her when she retired. I put in a LOT of unpaid hours, helping my Boss build up the business.

In 1988, one of the two factories we have here, closed down. 500 people were unemployed. Our economy has been slowly sliding downhill ever since. Our community leaders kept promising that things would turn around. They've created several organizations that actively promote our area to lure businesses here. L and I believed our leaders. We enjoyed our lifestyle here. We had "our"(which is how my parents used to refer to the cabin) cabin for fall and winter recreation, and our pop-up camper for summer excursions to nearby campgrounds. We had an affordable lifestyle here that totally fit our needs. In addition, our daughter had grandparents that adored her and spent much quality time with her.

In 1992, Z was born, and L became the night kitchen manager at his place of employment. My parents moved a block away from us in 1988. My Dad retired in 1994 and they were ecstatic about spending more time with their grandchildren. Life was good!

In 2002, the restaurant L had worked at for 14 years, closed its doors. There just weren't enough people in town to patronize all of our restaurants. After a year of working a series of part-time jobs, L managed to land the night cook position at the restaurant I worked at. My Boss can't afford to pay L what he had been making, so his income dropped by 25% and he no longer gets paid vacations. This was quite a low blow to our finances and lifestyle. Fortunately, we were 4 years away from having ALL our debts paid. I re-worked our budget, cut out unneccessary expenses, and we survived.

About this time, my parents began to withdraw into their own little world. Suddenly EVERYTHING had to fit into their rigid routine. Z couldn't spend the night at their house anymore as they went to bed at 8, and their house had to be totally dark and quiet so they could sleep. Z couldn't read in bed, listen to the radio, or watch TV. What fun is that? L and I couldn't handle spending more than a few weekends a year at the cabin with them. Their new cabin schedule was brutal; there was no time left for FUN! My parents never approved of my marriage to L. They had their own choice of husband for me, but that's another story. I'll post that story another day. They now became increasingly snarky to him, and I refused to have my husband treated this way. We could only handle a couple of weekends a year at the cabin now. At this time my parents planned on handing the cabin over to us and a young couple, who are close friends of the family. My parents said they wanted us all to have a place to enjoy our incredible northern MN outdoors. Our young friends were as close to us as family, so we didn't have a problem with this.

The past year everything has been disintegrating. My Dad always promised to take Z fishing, but he sold his boat without giving us a chance to buy it. THEN, they announced that they'd sold the cabin, without giving us the option to buy it! They told all their friends that we don't have enough time to spend out there. The last 2 months, my mother has been gleefully telling me that she's sooooo happy that 2 FAMILIES have bought the cabin together. It's soooo wonderful that FAMILIES will be able to enjoy all that the cabin has to offer. What are WE, a herd of turtles?! With the exception of the rafters and roof, my Dad and I single-handedly built that cabin! We built it in sections in the garage and hauled the sections by sled and assembled them on-site in -30F weather!! I'd just as soon burn the fucker down, as have a strange FAMILY enjoying the fruits of my labors!!

Despite my parent's behavior, I don't want to create a family feud over this issue. I've sucked it up, shut my mouth, and I'm waiting for the whole issue to die down. I don't want to destroy my family's relations with my parents. They won't be with us forever, and I want to hold the family together...if I can. I'm an only child and my kids are my parent's only grandchildren. Why are they treating us like strangers?

Now, at the age of 51, I realize that the dreams we built our life around have all vanished. We live in a beautiful area, but we no longer have the means to enjoy it. Recreational property, in our area, has been snatched up by well-to-do out of towners. They've driven the price of recreational property up, so that those of us who live here can't afford to enjoy our area anymore. We still have our camper, but many of the state campgrounds we enjoy, are in danger of closing. Another of the casualties of our state's budget. We've struggled to survive in this town for 28 years because we enjoyed the outdoor recreation of the area. We've had that ripped out from under us. My Boss can't afford to retire, so we'll never get to buy the business. We don't have the resources to uproot to another area. We're stuck here, without our dreams.

I know what I need to do to pull myself out of my funk. L and I need to rework our dreams for the future. We need something to look forward to. We need to have the possibility of fun in our lives. We need to find a new way to enjoy the outdoors that we can afford. I need to believe that we have a future that has a few bright spots amongst the drudgery. I can't do this by myself. I need my husband. I need a dream to strive for. I need a soft place to fall.

Labels:

33 Comments:

At 2/15/2007 8:38 PM, Blogger zydeco fish said...

It's hard to ignore a post like this. I wish I had the right thing to say, but I don't. I do hope you find that soft place, soon.

 
At 2/15/2007 8:44 PM, Blogger Jeannie said...

Your story is heartbreaking tshsmom. I wish I could make it better for you. I know what it's like to have your dreams snatched like a rug under your feet. I wish I could promise you it will get better but all I know from the little I know is that you are a survivor. Between you and your husband - you are the strong one. I know you feel very weak and needy right now, but you are like me - you bend but you don't break even when it hurts like hell. Live like they tell you in AA - one day at a time. Let your frustrations out here because it is safe. Even if a troll bothers you - they are nothing. Do not listen to them because they do not know you. They fear you because you are strong. Your parents probably feel they need the money. They are also afraid of the future. Don't hold it against them. It's okay. You will find something - daytrips maybe or hikes. Something will come up that you can enjoy. Just get through each day as it comes and remember that there are people who care. God Bless.

 
At 2/15/2007 8:46 PM, Blogger tweetey29 said...

I agree. I have tears in my eyes for you all. I wish I could be there to help and listen for sme for when she cant be. I am glad J and I left when we did but you need your friends I am hearing and your husband the most. I mean its not easy uprooting as you say. I understand that one. I mean here in GB we have our wild life sanctuary that doesnt cost a thing with trails and other stuff. Its amazing really. You can feed the ducks and have picnics right on the land. I cant explain it. If you ever get a chance to come this way we will take you. The job thing is the hardest to believe about up there Tshsmom. I cant believe when that place shut down they didnt have other places set up for L to go to. Its rough in a town like that but I know where your coming from with having the kids near grandparents. I sometimes wish the kids were closer to theres but glad there not because of our money J makes. I guess I made that exception because I knew it wasnt going to last up there. I agree with ZF though I hope you find your soft place to land soon or your going ot go nuts thinking about it.

L if you read this please take care of her. She needs you. I am not preaching but talk to her and take good care of her for us. Well I suppose. I need to go wipe my eyes off. I have been really weepy lately. I dont know why. The slightest act of this stuff and I am crying like a baby. Sorry for that comment. Well anyway take care and I will check back tomorrow. Lots of love N and family

 
At 2/15/2007 9:01 PM, Blogger tshsmom said...

ZF, thanks pal!

Jeannie, thanks; you nailed it right on the head. I am a bit "bent" right now, but I'm too damned stubborn to break. I feel a sort of peace settling on me after I wrote this. Your friendship means a lot to me.

Tweets, I've been pretty weepy lately too. You and J were smart to get out of here when you did. That's the problem, there's nothing here for our young people. We've become a town of sr citizens.

 
At 2/15/2007 9:14 PM, Blogger tweetey29 said...

Just remember if you need me I am here. I have always been good at listening. Maybe not keeping my mouth shut when I should but good at listening. Hope all gets better soon. Tweets.

 
At 2/15/2007 9:24 PM, Blogger Wandering Coyote said...

Ah, what an emotional read this was for me.

The first thing that comes to mind is that a lot has been simmering under the surface for a long period of time, and that's often a cause of depression. I know it sounds simple, but anger and depression are closely linked and I can really hear your anger in this post. You don't want to rock the boat with your family, but you need to do something to deal with the injustice you feel about how your parents have been acting and treating you and your family.

The second thing that comes to the forefront is that you really need to sit down one on one with L and tell him everything. Make a list on paper if you have to. He needs to hear you and make a commitment to be your soft place to fall, because that's what he's there for. Make sure Z isn't around to hear it.

As you well know, you shouldn't dick around with depression. I know health care is an issue but I would hope that you could at least consult a Dr. you trust. You know you shouldn't weather this without professional consultation of some kind, especially if it's been going on for a period of months. That's crazy, woman!

You are obviously very resourceful and have pulled yourself, your marriage, and your family out of all kinds of sticky situations, and you've continued to thrive. Past indicates future. I hope that once you deal with issues and talk to L and get your plan together that you both can agree on, that you can move forward and start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

And of course, you can always email me to vent. You know I'll listen and empathize.

Love ya!

 
At 2/15/2007 11:17 PM, Blogger SME said...

I have to agree with WC. It might be time for you to see someone. This isn't a temporary depression caused by the weather or menopause exclusively, it's the culmination of a WIDE variety of issues and events. The best thing about pro help is that you have someone objective to talk to - I'm far from objective, as is everyone else in your life. This is a great place to vent and get support, but blogging can't give you everything you need right now. Even if you just see someone once or twice it might help. You made excellent preparations for getting through menopause healthy and sane, but no one can handle everything by herself! Promise me you'll at least consider it.

 
At 2/16/2007 12:24 AM, Blogger Songbird said...

Tshsmom, this is a heartbreaker of a post but it's also a well thought out plan of approach. WC and SME are right, and it's what I thought of too at the end of reading the post, this is the time for outside help.

You are one of those women who's become expert at supporting and helping everyone--but this time you are right in the middle of it, and although you've analyzed it very well, I wonder if L can help you, especially if he's in a depression also (withdrawl is the first symptom that I show when this starts for me). TWO suffering people need a third who's outside of the whole thing to lead them through it. This is an episodic thing--several factors came together at once--causing the anger, which will spark the depression. Yes L needs to be part of the solution, but again, to draw him into it, you really need that third party.

Re the family/grandparents thing, I have a solution in mind there---send stay the heck away from them. It doesn't do the kids any good to visit the pair of them if they (grandparents) make the visit dull and miserable. Or are they clamping down these restrictions so that the kids won't come over as often? At any rate, in your shoes I would leave them to their own devices for a while. Actions have consequences. Please don't send these two the message that they have your support to treat you like dirt and make the kids miserable. I don't care if they're old, that is no excuse.

WC is right (on all counts) but especially talking to L--but this is what the doctor or counsellor is for. He should be your soft place to land but only if he can handle it. Can he? He might be in the same boat that you are in. In that case, you have to be each other's soft place. I suspect that this is what's going on. That takes a pro to help you with.

She's also right on about getting that depression under control. MAN that is nothing to ignore, it only gets worse. It warps your thinking, wrecks your sleep and then you start thinking/feeling worse. The earlier you see a doc on this one the better.

Sorry to sound like your mom but your post is a cry and I can't help but respond. By phone or e mail, I"m here, sister!!!

(((((((((((((hugs and love)))))))))

 
At 2/16/2007 7:26 AM, Blogger tweetey29 said...

I agree with everything said here tshsmom. I mean I went off on my own tangent with how you should deal with this but maybe some professional help could do you some good.

It breaks my heart to know you are in so much pain and no one is listening to you. I mean it L she needs you to listen to her and then help her with this. Send Z over to a friends house for a few hours and then talk. I couldnt agree more with them. Like I said before I am here if you need new shoulder to cry on or just a friendly voice to hear. I have to get going for now. Take care and get some talking done with L. He may regress into himself but this time he needs to listen to you also. You need him just as much as he needs you esp right now. Dont let your anger boil over to much though. I know its hard and I am talking out my butt again on a subject I know very little of but please take care and if you need anything let us know. Tweets.

 
At 2/16/2007 10:38 AM, Blogger United We Lay said...

I hope things get better for you. If there's anything I can do...

 
At 2/16/2007 1:55 PM, Blogger Laura said...

Like everyone else here, I feel for you. I hope you find what you need, and that your family can help you with that. I know what it's like to feel like family relations are desintegrating. The past several years I've noticed extended family traditions and bonds being pushed aside.

In any case, I have to agree with a few of the folks here that you should consider seeing someone. A lot of times a solution to a problem is sitting right under your nose but you're just to close to the situation to recognize it.

Take care

 
At 2/16/2007 3:39 PM, Blogger Vancouver Voyeur said...

I agree with quite a bit of what WC said. I'd be pissed too if everything I'd put sweat equity into was ripped away. I also agree with you, you need to find a new future and new dreams to work toward. I assume you're debt free or fairly close to it. That's something to celebrate and it's very rare these days. Is there any type of work you could do on-line, to tap into a more profitable market than where you are? When life kicks you around, you need to be more creative and put that anger to use changing what you don't like. I like lists. I list everything it is that I don't like and then list everything that can be done to change it, everything I can do to change it, and people I can talk to, to get a different perspective on how to change it. Then I choose and implement the best plan for me. It got me out of depressive states many times, a deadend marriage, back in school with 2 kids in tow, and I know the impossible is possible if you dissect the issues down to their barest elements and attack where you can. I'm here to listen to you if you need to bitch. E-mail me and I'll give you a call. My friend L should have been a shrink, I call her when I need to dump and she's the best at putting things in perspective.

 
At 2/16/2007 4:11 PM, Blogger greatwhitebear said...

not sure what happened to my comment, damned blogger! Anyhow, check your email. And anything I can do to help, let me know.

 
At 2/16/2007 6:35 PM, Blogger European said...

Sorry to hear about your situation. You have every right to be frustrated and angry and sad. Your husband hasn't been very helpful, and your parents are apparently operating under some strange sort of logic.
But please don't give up on life! Your husband loves you - he doesn't get how to help you. I'm sure your parents love you too - they aren't thinking or understanding what is really going on.
I know you are tough. I know you're a giver. I know you love your family and friends, and put others first a lot. Now is the time to use your thoughness for your own sake. Now, you don't need to be Z's hero or L's hero, you need to be your hero. You need to do whatever it takes to get well. You are worth it!
Lots of bloggy love!!!

 
At 2/16/2007 6:38 PM, Blogger Squirl said...

Ah, hon, everyone here has already said the important stuff. You should do what your daughter says and look for some help. We'll always be here to listen and lend a virtual shoulder. But we can't give you everything you need.

I hope you'll keep us updated on how things are. Life has been really, really sucky for you. It stinks and it shouldn't happen to such a nice person.

I hope L reads this and sees how he can help you. You need him more than ever now.

Good luck!

 
At 2/16/2007 8:24 PM, Blogger tshsmom said...

WC, thanks for pointing out the anger aspect! I've always been a venting type of person. I don't normally hold my anger in. I usually vent my anger, and I'm over it. Holding it in, is NOT a good thing! Writing this post helped a LOT!

SME, things are starting to turn around now. It helps that I finally have a whole weekend off right now. I have 2 whole days to make some headway in my life!

SB, thanks sister!! You're right on all counts. I'll keep the counsellor option open, but I feel much better right now. I had one of those "lightbulb moments" yesterday. Suddenly, I knew where my slump was coming from. Getting it off my chest, by venting here was just the therapy I needed. I should know better than to internalize everything. I'm always preaching at my family not to do this!
FYI, you actually make more sense than my Mom right now. Love and hugs right back atcha!!

Tweets, I'll be calling you one of these afternoons. Love ya!

UWL, I read your comment at ZS's blog. I think we're in the same boat right now. Marriage can suck sometimes. Email me, if you want to vent.

Laura, Thanks! I'm learning from my parent's mistakes. I will never do to my kids, what they have done to me over the years! SME has already benefited from the knowledge I have acquired this way.

VV, yup, we only have a $9000 garage loan; other than that, we're debt free!
I should've known that you're a listmaker; me too!
I've also found that, sometimes, writing a letter to L is far more effective than having a knockdown, dragout fight. My thoughts become a lot more clear, and less emotional, on paper.
I, too, normally channel my anger into solutions to my problems. This time I internalized it. I didn't even realize this until WC pointed it out. Not a good thing!

GWB, YOU, my friend, helped the most!! I really needed the male perspective that you gave me. Thank you!
I tried to reply to your email, but my gawabmail wouldn't let me. I finally emailed a reply through our "home" email.

Euro, it's hard for me to channel energy to ME. You're right, I NEED to fix me now. THANKS!

Squirl, part of the reason I wrote this, was in the hope that L would read it. I think he has, but he's not talking about it, YET! GWB gave me some much needed insight on this, so I'll be using his advice on L this weekend. I tend to forget that men aren't the talkers that we women are.
Thanks for your support! My blog friends have helped a LOT with their advice and comfort!

 
At 2/16/2007 9:14 PM, Blogger MonicaR said...

I'm late again - sorry.

Troll and I will write letters to each other sometimes - - when nothing else works and our reactions to each other when talking about a dicey issue become angry. It has really helped in the past.

I also agree that you have good reasons to feel angry.

God bless you! You deserve to be on the receiving end of all of the love and support that you give so freely to everyone else. Even the strongest need a place to rest and some tender, loving care.

 
At 2/16/2007 9:58 PM, Blogger Songbird said...

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

 
At 2/17/2007 7:01 AM, Blogger tshsmom said...

Monica, L sometimes gets exasperated with my letter writing, but when I feel that a situation is going to escalate into namecalling and stupidity, a letter is the ONLY way to go. On paper, I can sort the issues from the emotions.

SB, it looks like we're both finally climbing out of our holes!
((((((hugs))))))

 
At 2/17/2007 10:07 AM, Blogger tweetey29 said...

Tshsmom I tagged your husband last night. LOL... If he doesnt read his blog would you please pass the word on to him for me please. Tweets.

 
At 2/17/2007 2:28 PM, Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Very sad about your parents. I don't know what to tell you there.

As for your dreams, what will it take for them to come true? You're not too old. Keep in mind, Colonel Sanders didn't open his first KFC until he was 69. By his mid-70s, he was swimming in money.

You should write down your dreams, then plan accordingly how they will come true. My father always told me to write down my goals. Seeing your goals in ink (or now on printed paper) put a bit of reality into them. That act helps you see them, then when you see them, you can plan more easily how to attain them.

Take baby steps to achieve them. Don't try to do it all at once.

Also, jot down what your skills are, what your strengths are, and what skill sets will be needed to make your dreams come true. Do you have all the talents to make your dreams come true? If not, do you have someone else who can help?

One major cause of depression is hopelessness. If you feel your situation is hopeless, it's easy to get depressed. You need a light in the end of the tunnel. Have faith that you can do what needs to be done. And remember God loves you and will always be in your corner, even if you can't see it at the time.

 
At 2/17/2007 5:08 PM, Blogger Sadie Lou said...

I have to agree with everyone that suggested seeing someone for this. Don't expect that changing your goals are going to cure what ails you.
Also, God is the perfect councelor and he knows what your needs are even if you don't.
I'll be praying for you, Hon.

 
At 2/17/2007 7:20 PM, Blogger Gardenia said...

Yes, we all need a soft place to fall. It's just that there are times in our lives that that soft place is not there. (As in my previous experience of a surgery with no husband present, and then ayear later having to move 2000 miles with three ruptured discs and he really could care less - for me there is no soft place - well, except for God).

During one time in my life when yet another plan fell flat and I was adrift, I decided I can't get through this alone - so I went and saw a counselor - she was fabulous - for the short period of time I saw her, my life took a sharp turn for the better - she gave me that extra objective strength I needed for just a short time when no one else really gave enough of a rip to throw me a life bouy. My husband stomped and said "we" can't afford a counselor - I told him "tough" I'm going. He can "afford" to take care of himself just fine. Counselor said we needed marriage counseling - but done that, been there - it takes two to tango.

Honey, its only you that can take care of you when it comes right down to it. I don't know what in the heck got into your parents....or why our husbands just flake out on us in our time of need...this is not good to be double whammied at same time!

Anyway, you normally carry a heavy load - never, never, never, never be afraid to bitch and bitch loud on the blog - you guys are the only listeners I had for two years in that God-forsaken dessert - and as you say, writing it out often clarifies it - and even if all the caring advice isn't what will work, the advice comes with a lot of care.....and hopefully some gleaming tidbits you can use.

Bless you -

 
At 2/17/2007 7:20 PM, Blogger Gardenia said...

Yes, we all need a soft place to fall. It's just that there are times in our lives that that soft place is not there. (As in my previous experience of a surgery with no husband present, and then ayear later having to move 2000 miles with three ruptured discs and he really could care less - for me there is no soft place - well, except for God).

During one time in my life when yet another plan fell flat and I was adrift, I decided I can't get through this alone - so I went and saw a counselor - she was fabulous - for the short period of time I saw her, my life took a sharp turn for the better - she gave me that extra objective strength I needed for just a short time when no one else really gave enough of a rip to throw me a life bouy. My husband stomped and said "we" can't afford a counselor - I told him "tough" I'm going. He can "afford" to take care of himself just fine. Counselor said we needed marriage counseling - but done that, been there - it takes two to tango.

Honey, its only you that can take care of you when it comes right down to it. I don't know what in the heck got into your parents....or why our husbands just flake out on us in our time of need...this is not good to be double whammied at same time!

Anyway, you normally carry a heavy load - never, never, never, never be afraid to bitch and bitch loud on the blog - you guys are the only listeners I had for two years in that God-forsaken dessert - and as you say, writing it out often clarifies it - and even if all the caring advice isn't what will work, the advice comes with a lot of care.....and hopefully some gleaming tidbits you can use.

Bless you -

 
At 2/17/2007 8:26 PM, Blogger Songbird said...

I tagged you...when you feel up to it, Tshsmom!

 
At 2/19/2007 1:53 PM, Blogger tshsmom said...

ZS, after working our asses off all these years,our biggest dream is to slow down and enjoy the fruits of our labors. Now we just need to find a way to enjoy the area that we can afford.

ZS and Sadie, God keeps pushing me towards forgiveness and giving MORE love. I'm fine with the forgiveness part, but I'm kinda tapped out on the love part right now.

Gardenia, EMAIL ME! We NEED a bitch session! ;)

SB, I'm working on it!

 
At 2/24/2007 8:01 PM, Blogger .: raven :. said...

(((((((((((( hugs ))))))))))))))))

 
At 2/25/2007 8:08 AM, Blogger tshsmom said...

Raven, misery loves company, eh?
((((((hugs))))))

 
At 3/01/2007 2:53 AM, Blogger 9 11 01 Hawkeyi said...

Hi K, Out of all this family Ive adopted and now am proud to be a part of, you have always stood out as the strong one, with no BS in between the lines. Your more a friend to me as being a mother in law. that said... I will throw in my 2 cents in regards to this blog and begin by agreeing with W.C. above. Even the strong ones as yourself succumbs to that dreaded depression. Like a car that's required servicing every once in a while , so too the body mind and soul. In this case your soul is in tact as you remain strong, but your body has been running on 3 cylinders and your mind is affected with grey clouds and lack of sunshine happiness. This does not take one iota away from the wonderful mom, friend and human being you are. You need a little TLC, some understanding by the rest of us and with your body running on 3 cylinders, girl its time to get that overdue tune up! Get yourself to the doctor and get those cylinders back up to speed running on all 8! Its a no brain-er K, you wouldn't let your truck tires run half filled. Get to the doctors and don't leave til you get the attention you need, demand it if need be!. It will help for starters and you will be better equipped dealing with the other issues without that heavy weight of sadness. love you guys!

 
At 3/01/2007 6:53 PM, Blogger SME said...

R.'s worried that you wouldn't like being compared to a car. :)

 
At 3/03/2007 9:45 AM, Blogger tshsmom said...

THANKS D, that's why I love you so much!!

SME, I prefer to think of myself as a 4x4 truck, but car works too. ;)

 
At 3/04/2007 1:33 PM, Blogger Cherie said...

I wandered over hear from WC's blog.

I hope things are perking up for you. I can relate to some of your struggles - they can be beastly! Turning 51, menopause, husbands who withdraw at times, parents getting sorta weird, yeah, rough. Sorry about your cabin. That would have sent me out of orbit, too!

One thing I notice about you, you don't give up! Good for you!

Hope things are leveling out.

Enjoyed reading through your blog.

 
At 3/05/2007 1:47 PM, Blogger tshsmom said...

Thanks Cherie, and Welcome!
Things are looking brighter, and my brain is starting to come out of the fog.
You're right, I don't give up. Sometimes I think I survive on pure stubborness! ;)

 

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