Saturday, February 10, 2007

What's Romantic?

Here it comes again folks....VALENTINE'S DAY! Blech! Why does everyone bemoan the commercialization of Christmas, but thinks the commercialization of LOVE is a good thing? I'm not a jewelry, flowers, candy, kind of girl. OK, once in a while chocolate can be a comfort, but it's no substitute for love.

The last few years I've been questioning the definition of romance. I've questioned all my friends about this; they're clueless too. I've asked my husband for his definition of romance; he just rolls his eyes and walks off. The media is full of ideas and first-hand stories of romance. My friends and I get a big laugh out of those stories! C'mon, sprinkling rose petals ANYWHERE is STUPID!! Somebody(that would be ME), has to clean up that mess!

This year, I decided to research romance in a cold-blooded, practical manner. My first stop was Wikipedia, which gave me the following definitions:

Adjective
romantic
1) Concerned with, or conducive to, romance and love.
2) Idealistic yet impractical. (You got THAT right!)
3) (Of art:) Passionate and imaginitive rather than structured.(Yeah! Imaginative leading to passionate...sounds good to me!)

Noun
romance (plural romances)
1) An intimate relationship between two people; a love affair. (Check; got that.)
2) A strong obsession or attachment for something or someone. (Check!)
3) Love which is pure or beautiful. (Check; I gotta start remembering the beautiful part!)
4) A mysterious, exciting, or fascinating quality. (AHHHH....now THIS is what I'm searching for!)
5) A story or novel dealing with idealised love. (Nope; I'm looking for the REAL thing!)
6) An embellished account of something; an idealised lie. (BUMMER!! I was afraid of that. Romance is a LIE!)

NOW I get it!! Romance is anything that makes you horny! Why can't they just say that?
With that in mind, I found the following how-to list:

Rekindling the Romance
(Courtesy of positive-way.com)

1) Start by just holding hands. Hold hands every time you are together. All of us need more touching and holding hands is a wonderful way to show our partners we love them.(Works for me! NOW I just need to find a cuddly man.)

2) Write love notes to one another, even if it's just the words "I love you." Leave them where your partner will find them during the day.(WHEN was the last time we did this.....?)

3) Reminisce about the days of your early courtship and why you fell in love with each other. Go through your mementos. Use this opportunity to reconnect.(I keep TRYING to schedule "talk time".)

4) Pamper your partner with a hand, foot, back, or neck massage.(We're good on this one.)

5) Compliment your mate often. Tell them all the things you love and appreciate about them.(This only works if it goes BOTH ways!)

6) Do a "random act of kindness" for your partner. Surprise them with something that they'll never expect but will greatly appreciate. It can be extra special if it is something that you did while you were dating.(Once again, this has to go both ways.)

7) Share a romantic meal. Prepare it together. Put candles on the table. Dress up as though on a date. Play your favorite music. Unplug the phone and enjoy each other.(I do this EVERY year, for Valentine's Day. His response? Lukewarm at best.)

8) Exchange lists with each other of at least four things that you respect and admire about your partner.(I've written notebooks full of this stuff. In return, I get......HELLO....is anybody out there?)

9) Share your dreams for the future and really listen to each other. Laugh, love, learn and grow together.(Note to self: Schedule talk time...AGAIN!)

10) Spend the day together. Play and have fun. Go for a walk and talk. Do what you both enjoy. (FUN? What is this FUN you speak of? I can't remember the last time I had FUN!)

11) Give your partner a written promise for 4 hours of your time that they can spend as they wish in the future.(ALL of my off-work time is devoted to my family. My husband has NEVER devoted 4 solid hours of his time to me. This would be unique.)

12) Give your partner the day off. Do your partner's chores for the day. Let them do what they want to do for the whole day.(Now this one makes me totally HOT!! I've taken the day off before, but my chores just stack up. A guilt-free day off is beyond my wildest dreams!)

13) Do a project together. Consider volunteer work or even a household project. The key is to accomplish a goal as a couple. (LMAO!! Projects are what take up ALL our free time. That's how we got in this rut to start with!! This is sooooo totally NOT romantic!)

"While Valentine's candy, flowers, and cards are nice, the greatest gifts of love are those that come from the heart. Down deep we all truly want to connect with our loved ones in ways that assure us of that love and appreciate us for who we are. It's these connections that nurture and create lasting love that can be shared with the world in a positive way."(Sounds good to me!)

34 Comments:

At 2/11/2007 11:02 AM, Blogger Notta Wallflower said...

Your post couldn't be more timely. I'm not really a traditional romantic. Sappy movies make me gag. I don't like flowers all the time because they die and stink, then I have to dispose of them. Chocolates are always okay, though. H sings and hums to me - mostly "Close to You", but also sometimes the theme to "The Odd Couple". That's all the romance I can handle. As far as the commercialization of Valentine's Day, I'm fed up. One of my co-workers refuses to have a meeting after school on that day (which is still in our contractual time) just because it's V-Day! Acckkk!!

 
At 2/11/2007 11:23 AM, Blogger tshsmom said...

ROTFLMAO, the theme to The Odd Couple!! That's priceless!
Ack is right! The last few years, V-day has been activating my gag reflex.
It's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one that feels this way.

 
At 2/11/2007 11:58 AM, Blogger Sadie Lou said...

Valentine's Day is such a crock. I hate being told that I have to commemorate our love affair on a certain day. All of us cool folks that are secure in our relationships should ban the "holiday" altogether.
I think it's just a day to make single people feel bad about not having a significant other and that's just pathetic.

 
At 2/11/2007 12:16 PM, Blogger tshsmom said...

Sadie, I think it's just a ploy to get insecure guys to buy overpriced bling to prove their love. All us "cool folks" know that ain't gonna work! ;)

 
At 2/11/2007 12:34 PM, Blogger Wandering Coyote said...

Of course then there's us single gals who only can do this stuff in their dreams. I hate Valentine's Day!

 
At 2/11/2007 12:37 PM, Blogger tshsmom said...

WC, quite often, dream lovers are the best kind to have. ;)

 
At 2/11/2007 12:44 PM, Blogger Sadie Lou said...

WC--
Don't say that! If I were single, I'd get a bunch buddies together and do something that us married types can't do anymore--especially us married types with young children! Like go to a casino and spend the weekend there flirting with strangers and spending too much money--it's only once a year!
*laughing*

 
At 2/11/2007 12:45 PM, Blogger MonicaR said...

We don't really do anything special for Valentines day - other than have the girls make valentines for various family members...

LOL on the thoughts of cleanup when scattered rose petals are mentioned! I find myself evaluating any new experience by the cleanup that will be required afterward. ;-)

 
At 2/11/2007 1:00 PM, Blogger tshsmom said...

Sadie, now THAT sounds like FUN. Flirting...hmmm....oh yeah, now I remember what that is! ;)

Monica, I think that V-day should be a kid's holiday too! Z and I always spend the afternoon taking cards to his grandparents and godparents.
Agreed, cleanup time is my criteria for ANY activity! ;)

 
At 2/11/2007 1:22 PM, Blogger greatwhitebear said...

I think romance is highly overrated. A great way to get you to spend lots of money you don't have on someone who will find a new, creative way not to appreciate it anyway.

So how will I spend valentines? I'll go to the sleazy bar down the street and meet an equally cynical, bitter old broad and get laid.

Could be a worse plan.

 
At 2/11/2007 1:27 PM, Blogger Jeannie said...

My husband is the romantic type. He courted me with flowers and stuffed animals and candy - he enjoys dressing up to go out - shows affection easily. While I am totally the practical one, I have to admit that I do love it all even though I never ever gush about it.
My mother has it right though. When she was young, women expected to be romanced. Romance was another term for seduction only with less hedonistic overtones. She says it wasn't all about sex then but of course it was - the men just had to work a hell of a lot harder to get it.
I think a lot of things on that list are impractical hooey. Who has 4 hours? The back rub sounds good though. And holding hands is a constant anyway.
A phoney romantic dinner? Last time I tried that - with candles and all, my husband insisted we turn the lights on so he could see what we were eating. The eyesight isn't as good as it once was.

 
At 2/11/2007 1:29 PM, Blogger tshsmom said...

GWB, LMAO! Other than the sleazy bar, that sounds like OUR V-day plans! We "cynical old broads" are highly underrated. ;)

 
At 2/11/2007 1:35 PM, Blogger tshsmom said...

Jeannie, it's probably our fault for not setting the bar higher, when it comes to seduction.
LOL, L won't eat in the dark either. He wants to see what he's eating.

 
At 2/11/2007 2:05 PM, Blogger Songbird said...

Interesting post, Tshsmom, hope there are good and not ummm negative fireworks chez you!

As a formerly married type, can say that VD wasn't my fave then and it sure isn't now (hate all the coupled folks feeling sorry for me, and M's the worst of them even though he does mean well).

Have only once met a true romantic and it was a man (not my type, fortunately because he wasn't available anyway). As all of us here noticed, romance isn't falling into the 'spend a fortune once a year' thing, it's (IMHO) about tenderness and thinking of the other person in a loving way. So doesn't that bring love, trust and honor into it? It does to me.

Sigh. I'll be single forever, but that's OK.

 
At 2/11/2007 5:41 PM, Blogger tshsmom said...

SB, you can read me like a book!
I totally agree. To my knowledge, I don't think I know ANY hopeless romantics.
Yes, tenderness and loving concern are key ingredients to a successful relationship. Taking a partner for granted can be a dangerous hole.

 
At 2/11/2007 8:32 PM, Blogger Gardenia said...

Are you sure your husband and mine aren't related? My back was killing me yesterday from the drive and lifting, etc., and I laid down on HIS bed for 2 hours and watched HIS TV, he came home and there I was - not cleaning, cooking, bowing down, and boy, was HE in a rotten mood - I then tried to ask him what was up his >>>>>>>, and he couldn't take his eyes of the ballgame on TV to discuss whatever, SOOOOOOOO consequently I told him to take his blankety blank 200 books on marriage out of MY study and I never wanted to see them again!!!!!!!!! That they were a bunch of hypocrit-acle right wing conservative "Christian" bullshit and he apparently was living in some fantasy world somewhere with someone besides me! THEN I lit into him about making me pack, drive, etc., etc. with 3 ruptured discs in my back for 2,000 miles - the broken vows for better and worse bull crap and it went on and on and I'm STILL not speaking today. The zebra striped and hot pink pillow he hung on my closet door knob went to the floor of his closet with a WHAP. Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

 
At 2/11/2007 10:26 PM, Blogger tweetey29 said...

I can see I missed alot being gone only two days. LOL.. You know J's not real romanic either. I get roses every couple of years and if I want the chocolate I have to buy it when we to the store. Thanks tshsmom for my tweety. I think he looks adorable next to my name and the links. Esp when I am having a hard time getting into my post comments. We have been home for a bout two hours now and I want my bed. I mean the girls saturday after swimming all day fell asleep saturday night at 7:30 and slept till 7:30 this morning. It didnt help none of us girls felt good all weekend. Some kind of cold. I kept getting a fever and it would break and then I would feel ok for a bit and it would start all over again. I will post the pix tomorrow that I e-mailed you tshsmom. To share the tournament and the water park with the others. Hope things are good and I will catch you later. Lots of love from us. N and family.

 
At 2/11/2007 11:56 PM, Blogger MonicaR said...

Gardenia! LOL!

 
At 2/12/2007 1:45 PM, Blogger Squirl said...

He's bought me potted plants for VD, but never cut flowers. I do love flowers, but can't stand the price the stores charge for them at this time.

We do always go out for a nice meal, though. But, we like to do that anyway.

I don't think either of us are big romantics. I've easily talked him into going to dinner on a Friday night if a Monday (or whatever weekday) 2/14 didn't work for us. ;)

 
At 2/12/2007 1:54 PM, Blogger tshsmom said...

OMG, Gardenia, you sound just like me when I have a hissy fit!! LOL!
WHY do we have to turn into a crazed bitch to get them to pull their heads out and NOTICE us?! They must enjoy it, or they wouldn't keep doing it.

Tweets, your welcome. How did J do in the tournament?

Monica, we ALL have those days, don't we? LOL!

 
At 2/12/2007 1:56 PM, Blogger tshsmom said...

Squirl, I agree. I'd much rather have a potted plant; they last longer.

 
At 2/12/2007 3:23 PM, Blogger Vancouver Voyeur said...

The most romantic things my partner does for me are the daily little things. If she's cooking dinner and I'm running late, she waits for me. If she's getting up to get herself something, she asks if I need anything. When I bring home groceries, she's at the door to help carry them in. But by far the best thing she does is when she slides over to my side of the bed and warms it up so when I come in, I don't have to get in between cold sheets. I'm very sensitive to the cold. She's the best partner and I'm in the best relationship of my life! *oozing happy thoughts all over* Oh and my son's birthday is Valentine's Day and his birth was the first thing to redeem the holiday for me. Before that, I hated Valentine's Day. It's nice how things can change. Tshsmom, tell hubby to treat you like a girlfriend once in a while and court your affections.

 
At 2/12/2007 3:44 PM, Blogger Wandering Coyote said...

Tshs: you're right about dream lovers, I think. Thank God I have a great imagination.

Sadie: That sounds like a great idea!

Gardenia: Oh, dear. I'm not sure what to say other that I'd be furious, too, if were you.

 
At 2/12/2007 4:08 PM, Blogger tshsmom said...

VV, that's what it's all about..putting each other FIRST! M is a keeper; don't let her get away! ;)
I've been waiting for L to read this, but apparantly he hasn't.

WC, at least dream lovers aren't high maintainance. ;)

 
At 2/12/2007 7:12 PM, Blogger tweetey29 said...

Hi. J did well at the tournament. He got three points. Two draws,two wins and one loss. He won 25 dollars. I know not a lot but the prize fund wasnt as high as they said it was going to be either because there turn out wasnt that great to be honest. I have my pix posted of the girls in the pool when you get a minute. I am feeling better today though. I went three days with having a fever and it breaking and then coming back on me when it was bedtime. It was horrible. That was the only part of the trip I could have done without. I would go to bed shivering and hotter than heck and then wake up soaked because I sweated the fever out. You have a great post here for Valentines Day. I agree it should be more just a kids holiday. But then the stores wouldnt make any money off it though. I hope L reads this soon or forever holds his piece. LOL.. I wasnt thinking that way either. Well I will be going. Have a cherry pie in the oven and need to go check the sides to make sure they arent burning. talk to yah later. Tweets.

 
At 2/12/2007 8:12 PM, Blogger SME said...

They sell fake rose petals now, so you don't have to clean up all the real ones that go brown and wrinkly right away. ;D

One "romantic" idea for Valentine's Day that I don't get are the stuffed animals. Hallmark is selling pink hippos for V-Day. Oh yeah, nothing says I Love You like a giant stuffed HIPPO. If someone gave that to me on any holiday, I'd be utterly offended. ;P
And stuffed gorillas? Who wants a pink or red gorilla? Maybe that would've worked on Jane Goodall or Diane Fossey, but I can guarantee the average woman neither needs nor wants a gorilla hanging around the house...

Anyway, the good part is that V-Day was Jim's birthday, so we can remember him instead of buying hippos or gorillas. Though I did get Richard a little teddy bear, 'cause its brand name is "Li'l Elliott".

 
At 2/12/2007 10:30 PM, Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

My wife reads romances, but the sad thing is I'm the romantic one. So, so much for romance. We are going to see Cradle of Filth on V-Day though, so that's a bonus.

 
At 2/13/2007 10:57 AM, Blogger DirtCrashr said...

I think a lot of people are overwhelmed by the Madison-Avenue push in all aspects of romance, not just on Valentine's Day but throughout the rest of the year - that being said WTF, do what you want to do.
Just don't buy your Love a box of Godiva Truffles and an expensive, high-end bathroom scale like I did one year - even though they were both on the shopping list you shouldn't put 'em together...

 
At 2/13/2007 2:04 PM, Blogger tweetey29 said...

LOL.. That was funny dirt crasher. I read romances but I am not the type for all this sweet stuff they have been advertising on tv. It sucks. I like getting flowers once in a while but dont make a spectacle of it or else. I dont mind gorriallas hanging around the house but pink and red ones??? Yikes. What has this world come too.

 
At 2/13/2007 3:51 PM, Blogger tshsmom said...

SME, even fake petals need to be cleaned up.
YOU don't get stuffed animals?! I have a hard time believing that. heehee

Congratulations ZS, you're the FIRST romantic man I've met!! Maybe you should teach classes. ;)
Have fun at your concert!

LMAO DC!! You're lucky you're not an EX-husband after that one! ;)
You're right about the price tag on love. I can't believe how much money people are investing in weddings! We eloped, and hubby's been grateful to me ever since.

Tweets, you're right. We've been making fun of all those ridiculous commercials. Loving each other, year 'round, is what matters!

 
At 2/13/2007 7:32 PM, Blogger Gardenia said...

I'm laughing tonight, and not steaming - because I'm thinking he couldn't say some of the things he said and POSSIBLY be serious about staying married - and today I get white roses (don't they mean death?) a movie to watch, popcorn, and he pitched in and moved all THE BOOKS, and bought me a shoe thing for my closet - AND put the shoes in it - and he's talking about chocolate covered strawberries tomorrow - I don't know whether to snicker, throw them at him, forget all this or what - I'm an elephant, I NEVER forget and I can stay mad forever - takes me 30 years to get mad - but watch out!

 
At 2/13/2007 8:17 PM, Blogger tweetey29 said...

Gardenia,

At least he thought of you. LOL... I had to remind hubby today when we were at WalMart what tomorrow was because the one isle with all the chocolates was packed with get this WOMEN.LOL.... NOT a MAN in sight. It was funny. Must have been getting the candy for the V-day cards for the kids. But still. I bought K's tonight and had her sign them and then I put the kids names on them. Well anyway have a good night all. Tweets.

 
At 2/13/2007 9:08 PM, Blogger tshsmom said...

Gardenia, like I said before, why do they insist on driving us to hissy fits before they notice us?! MEN!!

Tweets, that was probably all the SMART women, buying their own chocolate at Wal-Mart. I'm thinking of buying chocolate for dinner tomorrow night. ;)
The kids always have so much fun on V-day! It's really a kids holiday to me.

 
At 2/15/2007 9:38 PM, Blogger greatwhitebear said...

email on the way!

 

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