Thursday, November 05, 2009

Question of the Day

IF he really loved me, wouldn't he do everything in his power to give me the will to live beyond the age of 60?

Yes, he KNOWS what I need! We've discussed this hundreds of times over the past 30 yrs. It's a basic human need. In my mind it's rather a small issue, but has grown to gargantuan proportions with time. A year ago I laid all my cards on the table and pleaded with him to end the pain, emptiness and humiliation this issue is causing me.

He said he understood what I'm saying...he'd think about it and get back to me....that was a year ago...

13 Comments:

At 11/05/2009 8:39 PM, Blogger Vancouver Voyeur said...

Wow. All I can think is if M told me she really needed something from me, I'd do it. Then I try to think, is there anything I wouldn't do to make her happy? Maybe a choice between her and my kids. The kids always came first, now that one is on her own and the other one is about to be on his own, I don't think I'd automatically choose my kids first anymore. I guess it would depend on the situation. Again, wow. I feel great empathy for you. I don't know what else to say.

 
At 11/05/2009 9:58 PM, Blogger Wandering Coyote said...

I don't need to know what this is about (unless you want to tell me) but there is something in this post I very much empathize with...

 
At 11/06/2009 9:48 AM, Blogger Jeannie said...

I don't know what it is but I don't understand what his problem is not delivering. Obviously, he's got issues himself and can't get past it. Or he's an insensitive lout who enjoys seeing you in need.

Maybe you need to talk about this more often than once a year. Good luck.

 
At 11/06/2009 2:10 PM, Blogger tshsmom said...

VV, that's exactly how I am. I believe that the only way a relationship can work is if you give your all for each other. It's a gift of love. If the situation becomes lopsided, there WILL be problems.

L was basically raised by wolves and knew nothing about the give and take of love. He's come a long way, but he still hides within himself. I know he has a problem, but he won't share it with me or even face, and conquer, it himself.

WC, it's S-E-X. :(

Jeannie, I think his issues involve all the women before me who dumped on his love.

He's also passive-aggressive. Last year I discovered, through my own research, that I've been playing right into his hands all these years. I've been enabling the passive-aggressive behavior. That's when I said "No MORE! This WILL change!"...it didn't.

 
At 11/07/2009 8:06 PM, Blogger Gardenia said...

I gave up asking the question when I realized he would rather be without me than give me that thing that would quit destroying our relationship. Might be that you and I have a LOT in common, if it is what I am thinking. It's like having a house built on the edge of the ocean and the sand washes out with every storm and the house tips a bit more each time. The hiding is a HUGE issue - but not THE issue?! It's rough. To say the least.

 
At 11/08/2009 11:43 AM, Blogger Squirl said...

Wow, over a year ago? Gotta be something deeper there, I'm thinking. I know you're always just trying to make ends meet, so no money for therapy. Good luck!

 
At 11/09/2009 12:13 PM, Blogger tweetey30 said...

I feel I am missing something.. I think I remember you mentioning this but not 100% sure.. But if Jeff ever did this to me or vice versa we would do anything for eachother.. I hope things are good otherwise my adopted mother.. You have listened and pained yourself this year and I am hoping what ever is going on you have us to lean on and get the issues resolved quickly.

I didnt need details.. LOL.. OK OK sorry didnt meant to laugh but I had to read comments before I hit the publish button.. Yes SEX is very important in a marriage.. Even the physical contact of it if nothing else.

 
At 11/10/2009 1:03 AM, Blogger Cherie said...

I'm so sorry to learn this, Tshs. Your question, 'wouldn't he do everything in his power...?' is it perhaps such a deep-seated block that he doesn't have the power to understand your view and needs?

But then, he shouldn't need to think about it. He should DO something, any step toward meeting your needs. I'm sure you'd appreciate any attempt at this point.

Sometimes I think - and you addressed this with your perspective on being an enabler - that people just take the strong ones for granted, figuring they'll always be there and that as long as the strong ones pull 100% then the weak ones can sit down and be pulled along.

Marriage is hard sometimes. Really hard!

I hope things turn around for you guys! I really do. Once this sort of problem stops being a problem, well, all the other problems in life seem much less worrisome.

 
At 11/11/2009 12:05 PM, Blogger tweetey30 said...

Off the topic have you notice Hammers blog is no longer in view??? I cant get in . anyone else visit his blog on here that can see why??? I have e-mailed him and he wont answer. I hope he is well.

 
At 11/17/2009 8:41 PM, Blogger Laura said...

:(

This is really such a complicated issue and I'd be willing to bet that there are a lot of things under the surface that are the cause of the problem and that this is merely the symptom. Is there a counselor you can go see together?

 
At 11/19/2009 12:25 AM, Blogger Cherie said...

Gosh. I miss you.

 
At 11/20/2009 11:04 AM, Blogger tweetey30 said...

Hey you ok out there in MN... We are worried about you... Let us know how things are going... Miss you...

 
At 11/23/2009 3:09 PM, Blogger Gardenia said...

Never give up hope. "H" started counseling after 35 years. That's a lot of years though I have to heal from. But still - - there is a reason we stay - - maybe sometimes we get with a person because together we can heal - - I don't know.....I do know its unbelievable hard and heartbreaking -

 

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